As I was meeting with Lyle and Arlo, I got a call from Brooksie saying “Say yes! Say yes!”

To what am I saying yes? “An all expense paid trip to Tamera, a peace research center and intentional community, to study life, death and transition. Tamera https://www.tamera.org is famous for its radical workshops around peace, love, sex, and sustainability. Their mission is around recreating this world in which live. We were the first group to attend the topic around death and grief.

This season is our busiest at The Plant www.theplantnc.com, so not as easy to say yes, however I could not say no.

And to top it off, my yoga teacher of 28 years , Cathy Holt, was also going.

We landed in Lisbon, stopped for coffee and Camel Drool (a type of sweet pudding) and took the train to Funcheira.

Now, the three of us are a little bougie, but we are also adventurous. We didn’t really know what to expect at Tamera, but we thought it might be a little bit primitive. We rode a beat up van with others going to the workshop and checked in at reception. The fellow seemed surprised that we would need a towel, but did give us one. Sleeping bag, too and we headed to our room. Or dorm, actually. I think we were all surprised. I had never slept with so many people. I did think for a bit that I might only last a night or two. There were about 20 women, no heat and very cold nights were coming.

This community was founded in 1995 on 300 acres in southwest Portugal by Germans seeking to create world peace. The place had as many as 300 Tamerians and is down to a little over 100 currently. They eat strictly vegan, sugar is offered ever so slightly a couple times a week, there is a school for the children and neighboring kids. They utilize renewable energy and use composting toilet systems throughout the village.

The first night we ate incredible healthy, vegan food and went over to the huge straw bale community building to participate in Kirtan (call and response chanting). It was so beautiful and I did fall asleep 3 times from the jet lag.

Sleeping in the dorm was surprisingly lovely. The other women were so quiet and polite. Just the sound of quiet breathing plus we were exhausted.

First day of workshop we meet our charming facilitator Friedemann who is a german hospice worker that has lived here in Tamera for many years. The community had lost some of their beloved elders and it was the impetus for this class. I was struck by the vulnerability, honesty and authenticity of Friedemann and his co- facilitators. It made the 28 students open and at ease. We were made up of many Germans, a South African, 2 Canadians, an Australian, several Swiss, 1 Portuguese, 1 Taiwanese, 3 Americans, one baby and one dog.

We had translators most of the week.

Friedemann chose his occupation because he grew up as a child in an intentional community and as people died, he noticed a sacredness in the room and he compared it to the birth of a child. They were similar auras. It lead him to creating a very conscious life.

He compared life and death to our political system, and the patriarchy-perhaps in its last stages. (Let’s hope!)

As we are preparing for the 11th Annual Death Faire, being in a global community discussing this subject was incredibly humbling and also so validating about the work we are doing back home. It’s a universal topic and we are getting things right in Chatham County and in some ways are ahead of different parts of the world.

The main reason for Death Faire is to have curiosity and to grieve consciously so that we may live a more joyful life and have deeper relationships. This week validated the last 10 years of community and death literacy we have built.

Night 2 was an intense cello concert from one of the visiting attendees. He performed “Sacred Veil”https://youtu.be/K0g62Nl4mNY?si=wOF6suHeLcWVnMfZ

by Eric Whitacre, a composition about a woman getting diagnosed with cancer and the journey. Very difficult and very beautiful.

I wanted humor so I could sleep, and as I walked back to the dorm under the stunning night sky, I just about flipped over a wild boar. So that added the humor. Yes, wild boar are everywhere in Tamera! 😅

Questions that came up:

How much energy are we wasting by pushing death away and being in denial?

Who is afraid of Living? (since most are afraid of death)

Where do we source our living?

What happens when we drop our masks?

5 pieces of Wisdom from Friedemann:

Don’t wait!

Cultivate Don’t Know Mind

Bring your Whole Self to the Experience

Welcome Everything-Push Away Nothing

Find a place of Rest in the Middle of Things

We discussed preparing ourselves for our own death and the death of our beloveds. It’s so important to not miss this significant moment. It’s a possibility to awaken.

Tamera has a place they bury their dead, the Ancestors Valley, and also spread ashes. Their belief is that the soul is able to expand and therefore they do not put names on stones. They feel it would keep the spirits close and not allow them their fullest expansion. We were the first outside group to be allowed on this sacred ground. It was very moving for the group and we all took silent time in a place that called to us. I laid amongst the eucalyptus leaves.

One of the most significant moments was a Grief Circle held by a community member. She gave us prompts to write stream of consciousness with. For me, it immediately took me back to my grief of losing Zafer. Then we read our writings to another person. Ethereal guitar music was played and she sang as we contemplated our sadness and many were able to cry which can be hard in the grief process. It was well done and I’m sometimes surprised at how fast the depths of grief come back to me. Truly a gift to move more grief.

Frances Weller talks about “flatline culture”. Our society tends to avoid deep sorrow and loss for fear of never coming out of it, when actually we need to be walking right into that in order to have genuine happiness and joy.

At Tamera, they hold an infamous “Love School” exploring all sorts of topics around love and sexuality. There was a group there simultaneously and even though we stayed with our people, sometimes I found myself in rather deep, intimate 30 minute conversations with Love School students. The death and grief work we were doing seems connected to the love work they were doing. People not able to reach their life force potential due to stuck grief. Eros is diminished.

I bet they connect these two workshops in the future.

I could go on and on but this is just a blog!

I must say that this was a remarkable week, I’m so grateful to our funder and to Brooksie and Cathy for being there. We had so much healing, met the most amazing people from all over the world and will most likely stay in touch with many.

And now to prepare for Death Faire, November 7th and the Road to Death Faire beginning with the documentary showing Monday night at the Lumina. “Changing the Stories of Death”.

https://www.sanctuaryattheburrow.com/death-faire